


Best friends

by Blindsunshine



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 12:09:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12704715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blindsunshine/pseuds/Blindsunshine
Summary: “It’s poisonous to love me! My own mother loved me, and now she is dead because of it.”





	Best friends

_“I love you.”_

They lay sprawled along the rich earth. The clouds are high, the heat of the sun even higher, as its warmth bears down and soaks up their faces. The middle of summer is upon them, dry and sizzling hot, but packed with blooming nature and the satisfaction of wanting a delicious, cold beverage in hand.

Despite the suns quench, the boys had taken a detour from their usual path, to rest on a comfortable looking hill with the looming shade of a tree to keep them cool. They remain there for some time, silence and Cicadas filling the space between them. And it is not for one second, an awkward silence. For these young boys share a bond unlike any other, and to bask in silence, is a delight for them both. Though suddenly, this silence was cut short. When the ravenette male, the taller of the two with stormy, sharp eyes, had broken it.

_“…”_

_“Is that all you can respond with?”_

_“What do you want me to say, Jumin?”_

The one who responded to the other's declaration, a boy with unusual mint coloured hair, had his eyes closed, until they then opened, revealing orbs of a similar colour. But they were dull and had no vibrancy to them.

_“You already know the answer, why must I repeat it?”_

_“I know it, but maybe I hoped it would be different… maybe I just wanted to simply say it.”_

_“You shouldn’t expect a better answer, especially from the likes of me.”_

_“Jihyun…”_

The mint haired boy rose from his seat, now sitting. As he folded his arms across his knees and didn’t for a moment, turn to face his friend.

_“Jumin, we’ve been over this. It’s V now, not Jihyun anymore.”_

_“I’m sorry, that’s still difficult to get used to.”_

_“… No, no… I’m the one who’s sorry. This isn’t your fault.”_

The stone-cold façade that had been worn on V’s face, faded, falling slowly into vulnerability and remorse. Having heard the helplessness in his friend’s tone. That was when Jumin had joined his side, also sitting, while he peered into the others face.

_“I keep telling you, but you don’t always need to be so sorry.”_

_“You’re being too kind to me, Jumin. I was acting cold for no reason at all, but this… everything… I am just incapable of doing it.”_

_“And there is nothing wrong with that.”_

Jumin was almost close to reaching out to pull him into a gentle side-hug but suddenly thought against it. Pulling back his hand and opting instead to simply shift a little closer. Jumin felt he was constantly being wary like this around V, like the other was made of glass and the slightest mistake could shatter him completely. But it was understandable, considering the weight he was adding on to the other many series of troubles running through the boy’s mind.

_“Jihyun… I mean what I say because I’ve known this for a long time. Maybe it’s wrong to confess it, but why must I hide these feelings inside me? Would you rather me bottle this up, just like everything else?”_

Finally, V turned his gaze to meet eyes with Jumin. They were swirling with guilt, pity and simply heartbreak at the words spewing from his best friend’s lips. The contact only lasted few seconds, until his eyes turned downwards once more. Finding it difficult to hold the others gaze.

_“You say you love me like it’s something so easy.”_

He began, his tone hoarse and quiet. A whisper almost so silent, if Jumin were not so close he may have only mistaken it for mere mumbling. But he listened to V’s words with intent, desperate to hear his voice, desperate to understand his pain.

_“But I do not know what love truly is. I cannot feel it inside me. I’ve been corrupted, maybe I always was. But I feel that the heart within me has shrivelled and died, and now there is nothing left that can possibly love another human being.”_

V spoke slowly, but with intense pain laced in every word. Gripping at the sleeves of his shirt, his face scrunching up tightly as he grit his teeth through it. He hated telling Jumin this. He hated it. But he thought that maybe, if Jumin saw how much of a monster he truly was, that he would stop loving him. Because he knew, for someone to love him was a grave mistake and he could not bear any more of the sins for his mistakes.   

_“V… I know you’re in pain, I know. But I can’t stand to see you this way, loathing yourself so much. You can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened, it’s not your fault, it was nobody’s-“_

_“How can you say that, Jumin?”_

Suddenly his voice rose, and then he was on his feet. Peering down at his friend with frustration cast across his face. Snippets of sunlight which escaped through the branches of the tree shone over sections of his face. Highlighting his extraordinary hair in some places, and almost casting a glimmering scar across his cheek. The silence was still there like it had been from the start. But the Cicadas had stopped their singing.

_“Stop painting me as someone innocent! I’m not innocent! You know what I did, what I said. All these mistakes I’ve made. Loving me is one huge mistake, it’ll only get you hurt in the end. How can you not see it?”_

He roared with pure emotion. While Jumin remained in his seat, his heart breaking at the very sight. He wanted to reach up, to take his Jihyun into his arms and tell him that everything would be alright. To tell him that he deserved to be loved, and deserved to love in return. But instead, he simply stood up, now making the other look up to him slightly. Ignoring his thoughts. Just as frustrated as V was when delivering his own words to him.

_“Maybe you’re not innocent, but that’s okay. Because I know for sure, loving you cannot possibly be a mistake. I love you because you are you, flaws and perfections. So, don’t tell me it’s a mistake, don’t tell me I cannot love you when it’s simply only my feelings!”_

_“You just don’t understand anything, Jumin.”_

_“That’s all you ever tell me, but I know what I feel, it’s impossible for me to not understand that.”_

_“That’s not what I’m saying!”_

_“Then what are you saying?”_

_“It’s poisonous to love me! My own mother loved me, and now she is dead because of it.”_

This time, the silence between them lingered for much longer. And it was not the comfortable silence that they were so used to. Oh no, this was the silence Jumin had never hoped they’d have to experience. Nor had he ever hoped to see, the long and streaking tears which were now staining down V’s face.

All this time, Jumin had not truly realised how deeply this had impacted V. It was not as if he had been blind to this notion, he’d known the death of his mother had hurt him deeply. He’d also known that V had entirely blamed himself for the incident, and it lingered too often along with his other regrets. But he had not known, that this was becoming such a fundamental change in the boy’s life.

Despite what they had said, and despite Jumin’s inner turmoil, he did not hold himself back when he suddenly reached forward and pulled V into a tight embrace. At first, he could feel the other tense up, but he did not try to break away. Only instead, leaning on the other's shoulder and sobbing even more. Soaking up Jumin’s school shirt with his tears, but future CEO did not care. Only holding him closer, wrapping his arms around him for dear life. Digging his nose into the tuffs of mint, and inhaling the sweet scent of earth and hints of shampoo that he could detect there.

He allowed them to stay that way for some time, the heat not cooling for a second and V’s tears burning along with his sadness. The hilltop was still, not a rustle from the wind, nor another living species in sight. As the dark shade from that strong, oak tree served as their only comfort besides one another, keeping them shaded from the everlasting burn of the sun.

After whatever amount of time it may have possibly been, they pulled away, V’s eyes now red and dry as he sheepishly met Jumin’s eyes.

_“How can I ever be okay after this, Jumin?”_

_“I don’t know how, but I know you will. Things will get better, I promise they will.”_

He gently began to brush his fingers along the contours of V’s cheek. Caressing the skin there softly, until he suddenly realised his actions. Realised how they would damage this fragile boy even more, and then, hesitantly pulled his hand away. Opting instead, to fiddle his fingers along the cufflinks attached to his shirt. Comforting himself instead, in this new alternative.

_“For now, you must live. Live as your mother wanted you to. And like I said, take up photography… it’ll be good for you.”_

V began to nod, listening to Jumin’s words while he brought up his sleeve to wipe his eyes. Unsure if he may have been processing those words, but taking the advice regardless. Maybe photography would be good. Maybe this would be better.

_“And I promise… from now on, I will call you V.”_

_“Thank you, Jumin…”_

_“And…”_

Jumin had begun once more but paused before he could continue, casting his eyes down and taking a deep breath. V watched him closely and waited for him to finish, but feeling like what he would hear would shatter his heart for good.

_“Forget about all this, forget about what I told you. These feelings I have, it’s better if we let them go this way. I’ll bottle them away and discard them. So, they won’t ever hurt you again.”_

 He felt like V may have tried to protest to the idea, but in the end, he’d only chosen to remain silent. It was passing between them once more, but again, this silence was unfamiliar. It felt like a lie, like something neither of them wanted, but they went along with the aching feeling of guilt anyway. And kept it tightly buried in the pits of their heats. Forever secure, yet trapped in that insufferable silence.

But this was okay, this was fine.

Because though they could not have each other, they remained by one another’s side.

Because even if they were lying to themselves, at least they were not hurting.

Because after all… they were best friends…

**Right?**

**Author's Note:**

> Here comes more Vumin angst! But oh boy, I didn't want to end this one on a happy note for some reason :'>
> 
> I tagged this as unrequited love, but it's not as if Jihyun does not want to love Jumin, it's that he simply can't. I've tried to make this follow alongside the canon story, where Jumin and Jihyun will continue to repress their emotions. Jihyun meets Rika and throws his obsession and desire for love all onto her, while Jumin pretends it isn't there. And well... we all know how that story will end TwT
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
